The Talk - part many of many more….

One of my favorite quotes of a college guy friend is, "I wish I still knew everything I knew at 17. Because at 17 - I knew everything!"

Our oldest is right there.

His questions - or more accurately - critiques of us, his parents, really show how he is thinking about life and life choices at this stage. His critiques are usually of our parenting of his younger brother and sister. He wants us to be great parents and has no problem telling us where we could be, get this, stricter. But as we delve deep into a discussion, I usually realize there are questions behind his critiques. He's looking for our reasoning behind our choices and actions. He's looking for our statements and actions to match. Last night's conversation made me realize that these conversations will shape the type of parent he becomes one day. A day that I hope is more than a decade away, I might add.

Last night one topic he broached was sex. I laughed to myself when I heard the same exact words I had spoken at his age.

"Parents act like sex is some terrible thing."

And to some degree, we do. We talk about abstinence, pregnancies, diseases. We talk about waiting. Don't do it yet. Only once you're married.

He wanted real life answers to his very real questions. He didn't want to perfect answers that parents "should say." He wanted us to be real with him.

And while I was embarrassed at times, we had a great talk just the two of us. Afterwards, I brought his father and he together and brokered another talk. Our oldest has an easier time talking with me; yet, I hear from both my son and husband how they wish it was easier to talk to each other. I forced the issue last night, because I knew much of the wisdom I shared with our son, actually came from my conversations with Hon.

I'm so glad we had such an open and honest conversation. I will forever laugh and hopefully so laugh with my son over how many times Hon said, "So there are three issues with sex - pregnancy, diseases, and emotions."

Those were apparently his talking points, and he came back to that sentence over and over again. I swear the first time our son has sex he's going to be thinking, "Pregnancies, diseases, emotions." You had to be there. But oh, are we such "parents" at times.

Did we bring up God in our conversation last night? No.

Was I praying for his guidance and wisdom? Absolutely!!!

May God continue to guide our conversations. May he be involved in our every word and action. May he continue to build trust between our children and us. May this be just one of many talks. Amen.

Practicing the Piano

I feel called to begin writing again; and yet, I am so out of practice that it is painful.

Painful to find a place to start and even more painful to read. But it's an attempt to answer a desire that I can't deny. So here I go…because life really is just putting one foot in front of the other - no matter how gingerly.

I've started taking piano lessons when I was 9 years old. My best friend had taught me how to play Heart and Soul, and I begged for a piano and lessons. My parents found a piano either for $50 or free - no one really remembers - and my mom spent a few weeks lovingly removing kitty cat stickers and 47 coats of paint. I feel loved when I think of the effort she put forth for me.

It was a huge upright grand. And while it had a big sound, it never really stayed in tune very long. Not that it was tuned very often mind you. So three years ago, my dear husband replaced that piano with a beautiful baby grand for our anniversary. I dove back into playing music. I learned a few new songs, but I keep coming back to old favorites. I would practice and practice. Then I stopped practicing. Then I practiced some more.

You know what? I play the same three songs over and over again.

And you know what? I will never play them perfectly.

Never.

It was a huge day when I realized that I am not a "pianist." But I sure do love to play. I play songs that touch my heart over and over, mistake after mistake, and love each moment I'm playing. I think I have finally found grace in my lack of talent or perfection.

A friend tipped me off to the fact that there was a much deeper meaning to my little piano "aha" moment.

Yet, how does it apply to the rest of my life - my journey with God?

I've been through a season of seeing my "false" or sinful self. It hasn't been very uplifting. I keep trying and trying. I think I want God's transformation, yet all I see are my failures. No amount of practice or effort (I'm not even sure I give it much effort) seems to show a godly transformation.

Do you ever think you've almost got something figured out, but know you're not there yet?

The verse I keep coming back to this fall is Luke 22:42-43, "Yet not my will, but your will be done. And an angel appeared from heaven and strengthened him."

All my readings and thoughts conclude in the same place.

Not my will, but your will be done.

I don't have any answers to the great secrets of life except this one at the moment. I don't even want to imagine where it leads, because at times that's scary. I'm watching another mom deal with God's will for her life, and it's awful.

But I also know in the place beyond all understanding and knowledge that this is the key.

Not my will, but your will be done.