Practicing the Piano

I feel called to begin writing again; and yet, I am so out of practice that it is painful.

Painful to find a place to start and even more painful to read. But it's an attempt to answer a desire that I can't deny. So here I go…because life really is just putting one foot in front of the other - no matter how gingerly.

I've started taking piano lessons when I was 9 years old. My best friend had taught me how to play Heart and Soul, and I begged for a piano and lessons. My parents found a piano either for $50 or free - no one really remembers - and my mom spent a few weeks lovingly removing kitty cat stickers and 47 coats of paint. I feel loved when I think of the effort she put forth for me.

It was a huge upright grand. And while it had a big sound, it never really stayed in tune very long. Not that it was tuned very often mind you. So three years ago, my dear husband replaced that piano with a beautiful baby grand for our anniversary. I dove back into playing music. I learned a few new songs, but I keep coming back to old favorites. I would practice and practice. Then I stopped practicing. Then I practiced some more.

You know what? I play the same three songs over and over again.

And you know what? I will never play them perfectly.

Never.

It was a huge day when I realized that I am not a "pianist." But I sure do love to play. I play songs that touch my heart over and over, mistake after mistake, and love each moment I'm playing. I think I have finally found grace in my lack of talent or perfection.

A friend tipped me off to the fact that there was a much deeper meaning to my little piano "aha" moment.

Yet, how does it apply to the rest of my life - my journey with God?

I've been through a season of seeing my "false" or sinful self. It hasn't been very uplifting. I keep trying and trying. I think I want God's transformation, yet all I see are my failures. No amount of practice or effort (I'm not even sure I give it much effort) seems to show a godly transformation.

Do you ever think you've almost got something figured out, but know you're not there yet?

The verse I keep coming back to this fall is Luke 22:42-43, "Yet not my will, but your will be done. And an angel appeared from heaven and strengthened him."

All my readings and thoughts conclude in the same place.

Not my will, but your will be done.

I don't have any answers to the great secrets of life except this one at the moment. I don't even want to imagine where it leads, because at times that's scary. I'm watching another mom deal with God's will for her life, and it's awful.

But I also know in the place beyond all understanding and knowledge that this is the key.

Not my will, but your will be done.

Great Banquet Reminders

This past weekend was NOVA Great Banquet #32. It's been a year since my Great Banquet weekend. A whole year. Wow. As I sat at the closing ceremony for this year's guests and heard what they had personally learned during their weekend and what they were going to do about it, I, of course, thought about my weekend experience and what I had done about it.

God loves me more deeply than I ever imagined. Have a shared that love with others? Yes, mostly.

Have I felt more secure and been more trusting of His direction?

Ummm....maybe not so much. Just by popping in and out to help a little bit this weekend my eyes were opened to a few new truths. I love how God can use random short conversations to speak to something you've been pondering.

Obedience is the area where I need focus. It's funny how you don't even realize you're being disobedient sometimes. In the last few months, I've been so busy worrying and protecting myself and my time that I have missed the gifts of following God's direction. I've worried what I have to offer certainly is no where near enough or good enough, so I would just wait until I had enough to share. I have begrudingly followed the path He has offered and directed me down, all the while questioning and worrying and stressing and even resenting at times.

I was beautifully reminded by Pastor Glenda that God doesn't ask us to perform the miracle. He asks us to participate and offer what we have. He'll take care of the rest. If I offer up what I have unconditionally, God's glory shines.

I also took time to read over the letters I received last year at the Great Banquet. I sat there pondering, "Where did that generous, fun-loving girl go?" Was that truly me? What happened? I've become quite the hermit the last 6 months. I've found it much easier to push away and do it on my own time table. Yet, I miss the joy and excitement and relationships I treasure. How many times do I have to learn the same lessons?

Quiet time each and every morning builds my relationship with Christ. Enough said. It makes everything better. It makes the times I have no words for prayers, just groans, bearable. There is a light in our home and in me when I begin each day with God. Quick prayers on the run just don't work for me anymore. Halfway putting in a show of effort a few times a week just doesn't cut it. I know this yet, at times I push back. Why?

Lately, I've felt the Spirit encourage me to give up something. I know exactly what. I cannot figure out why in the world I need to do so. A friend pointed out that sometimes it's more about obedience than the what.

I keep asking,
"Why??? Are you sure??? Have I imagined this?"

Yet, this nagging feeling doesn't leave me. I wish I could say I was finally obeying out of a grateful heart. Instead, I'm obeying and praying for God's help to obey. And worrying about when I'll disobey and when I'll get time off for good behavior. I'm also praying I won't have to do this very long, which probably destroys in value of obeying in the first place.

Dearest Lord,
Thanks for your timing in my life. Time for me to realize that You are Lord of all. Thank you for the time to be stubborn, yet still delightfully loved by You. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for those brief moments of clarity. I ask forgiveness for my stubbornness and self-centeredness. I beg for your strength to follow and to be filled by Your spirit, so I might know and understand you better. In your son's most holy name. Amen.

Trying to Memorize Scripture

Memorizing scripture has been on my heart for a while. However, every time I consider trying to memorize scripture I told myself I just couldn't. It would be impossible. Yet this morning when I picked up my stack of index cards where I jot favorite scriptures, I realized today was the day to start. The one on top was a perfect one for my day today.

Above all, let me love others deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins. Let me use whatever gift I have received, faithfully administering your grace in its various forms. Let me serve with the strength that you provide, so in all things you, O Lord, receive the credit and the glory. 1 Peter 4:8-11

I even memorized where the scripture is found. Amazing.

I've also realized that I could. I just didn't want to put forth the effort. In that, I was disobedient to the urging of the Spirit. I also know that listening and following God's urging will bring His blessing to my life. This isn't a hard task to avoid; it's a celebration of God's living word in my life. Thank You, Lord!

Prayers for A

I awoke feeling guilty for complaining about my lovely old lady medicine. I am humbly grateful that there are wonderful medicines for me to take. I just pop two little pills and hopefully these signs of aging will magically disappear, or perhaps miraculously heal would be the better analogy.

There, that's off my chest.

I spoke with my oldest best friend last night. We grew up a few miles from each other. We rode the same bus for hours each day. Our grandparents went to high school together. Our ties and history go way back.

We don't get the chance to talk everyday, but we can dive right into the deep stuff and completely understand where the other one is coming from. K was trying to explain to a co-worker how she loves to hear the snow fall. Her co-worker thought she was crazy, but I understood immediately. I grieve for my children that they haven't had the chance to stand in the field on the farm where I grew up and listen to the snow fall. To watch the trees across the field glisten with ice and hear them creak and crack as the wind blows. It's hard to describe the wonder of feeling like the only one in a snow storm.

K's dear grandma A is on my heart. She's 94. She and my granddaddy were the leads in their high school senior play. Picturing that cracks me up. K's grandma is finally suffering from memory problems. And she realizes it. She's so frustrated. As Grandma A says, "This medicine is not fixing my brain!" (Her normal meds aren't supposed to, but she's forgotten what her medications treat.)

So today, I lift up prayers for a dear woman who loves the Lord with all her heart, yet fears the next step of her life's journey. I pray that God brings peace to the wonderful women in their family that will so deeply grieve her passing, someday, and at the same time celebrate her birth into eternal life with God. I pray they have the time together to say the deep feelings on their hearts and that God's fingerprints are all over this experience so that their faith grows exponentially. Amen.

Lying in a Manger

My heart and stomach are tied together. Are yours?

Anytime I want to comfort, I turn to food. Anytime I want to celebrate, I turn to food. I have so many happy memories of cooking with my grandma and just being in her kitchen. It was the heart of her home.

Where is the heart of your home? Where does everyone gather when you have people over? I'm willing to bet that unless you specifically push them in another direction everyone ends up standing in the kitchen gabbing for hours.

I got a new giggle about the Christmas story this morning.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:6-7

Jesus was laid in the manager. Which, if you're following my kitchen is the heart of a home theory, is the heart of the stable. God incarnate, the bread of life and living water was laid in a manger. He came to be the center of our lives. He comes to satisfy us with overflowing grace and love. He awaits us each morning, at every meal, and in all the moments of our lives to fill us with that which makes us whole.

And he was laid in a manger.

I love God! He makes me smile. :)

My Titus 2 Women

A few years ago I heard about the guidance of a Titus 2 woman for the first time. If you're clueless like I was, a Titus 2 woman is an older, wiser women that gives godly advice and lives a godly example for other women. She would guide you through those first years of marriage when you are quickly figuring out that a ring, dress, and romance does not complete the work of marriage. She would point you in the right direction and ask the difficult questions about your faith life to encourage growth.

I have to say, when I heard about a Titus 2 woman, I looked around and asked,

"And just where is my Titus 2 woman, Lord? My grandma is my role model, but You called her home 2 months after we got married. I could use a great role model."

Yeah, that's all me. Whining to the Lord.

As usual...He was already on it.

I have been abundantly blessed by the godly example of several women in the last two years. I am sure they would want me to point out that they are not very much older than me at all, but they are much, much wiser. The Lord has also opened my eyes, ears, and heart so I could pay attention to them. We build each other up by discussing not just our lives and problems but by discussing where we see God in the midst of everything. My heart fills with love for them when I think of these dear women. My heart overflows with love for God when I realize how much He loves me through these women.

Sometimes I feel like quite the little copycat around them. I'm almost embarrassed to tell them that I'm now trying something I saw them doing. However they keep doing such good things, that I just have to try them myself.

This morning my devotion by Henri Nouwen was "Faith is Nurtured In Friendship." Mr. Nouwen spoke of how God wants us to form friendships and community where His grace can grow to fullness and bear fruit. I know I have been blessed with this type of community and friendship. I pray God gives me the love and strength to bear the fruit He desires in my life.

May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant yo to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

Greetings

Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you. Luke 1:28b

What a wonderful way to begin.

This greeting from Gabriel to Mary was on a day she would never forget. The day she learned that not only was she highly favored by God, but that he had big, BIG plans for her. Plans not just to change her life, but plans to change the world.

I'm still overwhelmed by the greeting. Not only was Mary highly favored, but each of us (as explained in Luke 11:27-28 in my study Bible) is highly favored by God. We are all dear to Him. He has plans for each and everyone of us. While the plans for our lives probably don't involve a virgin birth (I know I'm not going to have that task), He has important plans for each of us. Anyone who has accepted the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit into their lives has the Lord with them each and every moment. The Lord is with us. When we obey His commands to love the Lord our God and our neighbors as ourselves we are highly favored.

I just have to sit back and treasure this gift.

Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.

I think I'm going to write that on the front of my prayer journal. Each morning I can smile as I read His greeting that I know extends to me also.

What a wonderful way to begin each day!

Sharing Faith

I stumbled across Angie Smith's blog, Bring the Rain , last week. If you have time it's worth a read beginning to end, or you could start here, but bring your kleenexes. You might ask why I would suggest reading about someone else's pain? As Angie wrote in a post last week, if I can carry just a bit of their grief for them it is worth it. God is working miracles in their lives through this difficult season. I pray His comfort, love, and peace surrounds them.

Angie's post, The Threshing Floor, is a beautiful example of God's word being revealed as you so dearly need it.

May God be with them. May they worship God joyfully and expectantly.

He Delights in Me

This morning I was journaling about how the enemy will use any means to distract us from focusing on God – busyness, stress, headaches, illness, birthday disappointments, tiredness, old sin patterns (you get that my list could go on and on). I opened my study; and of course, it’s all about how the enemy uses our minds as a battlefield and winning the spiritual war. God’s so funny and so good. He knows how to get his point across. And boy, He has his timing down.

My friend Kelly is embarking on a wonderful time with the Lord. She's feeling his leading and following. Unfortunately for her, she's talking about the area she's digging into with me, so I keep sending her scripture references. It's kinda like I assigned myself as a reference assistant. Only, I'm pretty sure didn't ask for any help. God bless her for listening and smiling as I babble.

So I found another scripture for her this morning, or perhaps as I think about it more, it's for me and my struggle to keep the enemy out of my thoughts.

He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because he delighted in me. Psalm 18:38

I think realizing that “God delights in us” is just so huge. He doesn’t just love us, like us, or put up with our pitiful sinful selves that He has to save. He absolutely delights in us. I’m so glad.

I also like that He brings us into a spacious place. We’re not cramped, bound, pushed into the corners of our sins where we can’t ever see a way out. He brings us to his spacious kingdom.

Oh, good stuff. Good stuff indeed.

Revelations That Are As Clear As Mud

Whew! What a lot has happened in the month since I last posted. As I read over my last few posts it seemed like the events covered happened a life time ago. I had to think about which answered prayer I was talking about in this post. (We are still praising God over our new nephew and his good health.)

My small comprehension of the world has been so broadened in the last two weeks. Hopefully forever. There has been so much to think over and take in that trying to put it into even verbal words has been difficult. I know this for a fact, because I try to explain things to Hon, and he tells me to finish my thought.

All I have to offer is, "That was it."

See, I'm still making no sense. Which would explain the lack of blogging lately.

But before I continue on with the antics of my lovely children, my obsession with gardening, and the way I'm aging before my very eyes, I'll try to get a few thoughts down here.

Two weeks ago I went to a weekend spiritual retreat called "The Great Banquet." All I knew about the weekend was that I would have time with God (72 hours that is), we'd be mainly in the (very nice) basement of our church, and due to the name I figured there would be plenty of food. Any one who had been just said I should go, and that it was amazing.

To be honest, I really didn't see any need to go. I felt my relationship with God was pretty good. I'm really happy with my life. I didn't need a spiritual retreat. I felt great about things. What more could God need from me?

I was scared that God would ask more of me.

God is so, so, so very good.

The weekend was amazing, and you should definitely go the first chance you have.

It's a weekend where God will tell you the thing He most needs you to know about himself. Your weekend will be eye opening, heart wrenching, and completely heart fulfilling. It will be all about God and all about you, and it will be all about getting you and God closer together through whatever means you need that to happen.

I saw a little slice of heaven, and let me tell you - it's gonna be great!

My friends listened to me be speechless when asked about my weekend. They listened to me explain all I got out of the weekend without being able to explain much about the weekend. They looked at each other and laughed. They looked at me just like I looked at the people that invited me to the banquet. With doubt, resistance, and uncertainty

So here it is. What did I need to hear from God? He clearly called me his beloved. That I am loved by him beyond any understanding I ever had of the word love. That if I never do another thing in this world He couldn't love me any more.

It's not about what I do for him. It's all about Him loving me.

There is no guilt. My sins are always forgiven. His call to join Him in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven near is not just to point out my sins or where I'm failing. It's calling me closer to him. Drawing me near. I'm invited to watch His wondrous work here on earth. It's my choice. But He always offers me what's best for me. He may call me to try something new, but it's not to take away His blessings but to shower me with even more blessings.

I know that's as clear as mud. But the important thing is that it's clear for me. It changes the way I see things and the way I hear things. It changes my perspective about other people. I was truly transformed during those 72 hours, and it was and still is glorious. I walk a little taller, I smile a lot bigger, I love so much more. My heart is so full.

What would God say to you?

What does God know you most need to know about Himself?

Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is
born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God
is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent
His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is
love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the
expiation of our sins. Beloved, since God so loved us, we also ought to
love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another,
God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:7-12

Power of Prayer

Answered prayer is a beautiful gift indeed. Even the prayers God doesn't answer they way we wish can be beautiful sometimes. We must remember that God's ways and timing are perfect. There are reasons and answers that we will never understand while on earth. There are times that His answer to our prayers brings us heartache and confusion. But there are times that He can take what might have seemed like a huge disappointment and turn it into a beautiful gift.

I spent a lot of time in prayer this week. I witnessed God's mighty hand.

I am blessed by a generous and loving God who has completely surrounded me with a loving, praying community. Thank you to all my friends and fellow prayer warriors.

I feel very blessed indeed.

Growing Flowers in Uganda

I was checking Sitemeter to see how readers end up at my blog. You know, all three of you. I got a good giggle that someone Googled, "Growing flowers in Uganda," scrolled down to the eighth entry, and clicked on my blog. (Love the alliteration in the beginning of that last sentence.)

I am here to say, "Yes, I know just a tiny amount about growing flowers in Uganda."

Well, not actually flowers.

More like flowers that are children of God - in a very real and literal sense. And I know just a very tiny amount about even that.

You see, in February I followed Compassion International's Blogging Trip to Uganda. Not that I actually went, but I can assure you I spent the length of time it would take to fly to Uganda in front of my computer reading and re-reading every detail of that trip. My family spent Valentine's Day night choosing the child we sponsor from Uganda. His name is Fred. He has 6 brothers. His best friend is his brother, and he'd like to be a pilot one day.

You know what I know about growing flowers/children in Uganda? Not much. But I do know that by sponsoring Fred through Compassion International people that do know about raising children in Uganda are now completely involved in Fred's life. I know he is fed, has medical care, goes to school, and is loved and taught by the Christian community in his village. I know Fred's sponsorship positively impacts his entire family. I know that the extra gift of $25 dollars that I sent will be used for something his family truly needs. Not wants, but needs.

Oh, and I know one more thing. I know that God softened the hearts of our little family here in the United States. I know that my children pray for a boy they've never met as if he is a close friend. As I think about it the seeds of love have been sown far and wide by our relationship with Fred and Compassion International I see large beautiful blossoms. Flowers planted by God.

Anticipating God's Voice - A Faithful Experience

We started a new Bible Study this week, Priscilla Shirer's Discerning the Voice of God. I enjoyed a new teacher and the beginning of a new study. The women around me were so excited to get their hands on their new workbooks. We couldn't wait to dive into God's word and apply it to our lives.

That's one of the greatest gifts God has given me at this time and place in my life. He has surrounded me with other women hungry for the word of God. Hungry for real, live, intimate, relationships with God.

This study opens right on that note. As my friend, Kelly, said here,

One of the things she said that really struck me was "do you think that He loves you enough to die for you, but He doesn't love you enough to speak to
you?" She challenged us to anticipate that God does and will speak to
us...that He wants nothing more than to have an intimate relationship with
us....one that involves both listening to us AND speaking to us.

As I lay awake in the middle of the night that night contemplating, why exactly God wanted me to be awake yet again at O'toodarktolookattheclock, it occurred to me that anticipating hearing God's voice has a whole lot to do with faith. Anticipating God speaking to me involves my faith in that concept. That not only can I anticipate hearing God's voice in my life, I can also anticipate the goodness God has stored for me. I can have faith in His goodness.

Oh, there are some things I want to have faith in my friends.

Faith that my children will have real, intimate, loving relationships with the Lord.

Yes, Lord! I claim that one.

Faith that the love between my husband and me is provided by the Lord. Our marriage is sanctioned and created by God and will not only weather the obstacles of our lives but grow stronger and more cherished through our ups and downs.

Yes, Lord! I claim that one, too!

Faith that our relationship with our children will only deepen in love through the years. The Lord will provide the love to survive their growth and our old age. He will provide laughter and comfort with the ones I love the most.

Yes, Lord! I claim that!

After discovering all this faith I sincerely and eagerly anticipate hearing God's voice so I know my part in bringing these prayers to fruition.

Mostly today, in the light of dawn I feel comfort. Comfort in my faith. Comfort that God loves me so. Comfort that he will guide my footsteps, heartbeats, and life journey.

God is so good.

God is so good.

Morning Quiet Time

Being on spring break and recovering from spring break caused me to put very little effort into my morning quiet time the last two weeks. Only to my own detriment I might add.

I found I missed my morning time with the Lord. A quick prayer to start the day just wasn't enough. I have quickly lost my center sense of peace. Oh, things didn't fall completely apart, but I knew it wasn't the relationship I've grown to cherish.

This morning had me back in my favorite chair putting my spirit back in order, and God was so faithful. You see, I can quickly fall into the worldly trap of wondering what great things I'm supposed to do with my life. Should I be volunteering more, teaching, writing, painting, etc.? The question on my heart this morning was, "What do you want me to do, Lord?"

I found this quote from Oswald Chambers during my quiet time,

All God's revelations are sealed until they are opened to us by obedience...Obey God in the thing He shows you, and instantly the next thing is opened up...God will never reveal more truth about himself until you have obeyed what you know already.

Why would God ask me to do anything new, when I'm still working on the things He's already asked me to do? The adventure in my life is trying to be faithful in my follow through - completing the task before me. There's nothing new and earth shattering to hear from God, because I'm still working where he placed me. I can also rest in the assurance that when He wants me to do something different, He'll let me know.

Thank you, Dear Lord, for your faithfulness, for your patience, for your unending love, and the grace we so desperately need but could never earn. Thank you standing before me to lead me down your path, for standing beside me to keep me on the path and out of the ditch, and for standing behind me to keep me moving. In Jesus's most holy name I praise you, Amen.

The Master Builder

Many years ago I was alone in the car driving a few hours to spend the weekend with my college sorority sisters. My husband was home with our three children, and I was free as a bird. I should of been singing as loudly as I could with the radio imagining the laughter of the weekend to come. Instead I was having one of those terrified-mother day dreams where I died in a car accident, and my children had to go on without me scarred for life.

(Please tell my I'm not the only self-centered psycho mom out there. You know you've imagined it and worse.)

In my self-induced, starring me, horror film, day dream I cried out to the Lord to protect me and my children. Surely the Lord wouldn't wish my children to be motherless. In that moment of heartfelt prayer I had one of the bigger "Aha" moments of my life.

If I were to die while my children were young, the Lord of Heaven and Earth has a much better plan for their lives than me.

(Uhhh...I think perhaps the Lord knocked a little sense into me and the drama out of me.)

In a moment, I went from a self-centered control freak Mom to realizing that God is completely in control of all aspects of my and my family's lives. If the absolutely worst thing I could imagine came true, God was still in control. Well, how about that?

As I pondered Psalm 127 this morning I remembered the large step of faith I took that day. I still remember that day as the day I gave my children back over to God and in the process began to seek and love the Lord with a more opened and greatly softened heart. I confess that my children had actually come before God in my life up to that point. That day I realized they were gifts from God, and what I had to do with them did not matter nearly as much as God's work with them. Psalm 127 says:

Unless the Lord builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.

The Lord has built my marriage and family. He is at the center of our lives. He has the blueprint and instruction manual. Once I gave up control and realized His love is the love that binds us together, our lives have been much more peaceful. There is no need to be fearful and to wait in terror for the shoe to drop. When troubles come, God is still in control. He's the master builder, and we're privileged to be a room in His mansion.

His walls are safe. His love is strong. I feel peace with God in control, and I can now sing loudly with the radio.

My Courage and Strength Comes from the Lord

I know when God puts a task in front of us or encourages us to try something new I should have no worries. God is at work - not me.

Knowing that and still not worrying are sometimes two different things. These words in Isaiah brought me much comfort this morning.

"I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:9-10

In whatever you life brings today or what you see coming in the future, may you trust that you are held and strengthened by a righteous God.

Linking Blueberries, Riverdance, and Eat, Pray, Love

I made blueberry muffins this morning.

I know, hold the horses, and pick yourself off the floor. I baked! From a box of course.

The point is, as I was gently lifting the smoking hot muffins out of the pan, my daughter was beside me doing the I-can't-wait-to-eat-a-muffin-dance. It looked a lot like the chimps doing Riverdance to me.

As she danced about in excitement and impatience she said, "Mom, I want the muffin with the MOST blueberries, because blueberries are soooo good!"

And I had the opening of my post...

Because don't we all want the MOST goodness in our lives. Oh, we may go about it completely the wrong way, but what we each want is the MOST goodness. The MOST love, the MOST happiness, the MOST joy, the MOST peace. Unfortunately we sometimes confuse ourselves by thinking if we have the MOST stuff or the MOST attention, we'll have the MOST love that we desire.

We can look so many places for that inner peace and love we are hardwired to desire. Often the last place we look is to God who lives in our hearts and changes our lives. Calling us to love him, so he can fill us with a love that never ends.

I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert the other day. While I do not claim to subscribe to all her thoughts on God and life, I found many quotes in her book worth marking such as this one.

"Imagine the universe is a great spinning engine," he said. "You want
to stay near the core of the thing - right in the hub of the wheel - not
out at the edges where all the wild whirling takes place, where you get can
(sic) frayed and crazy. The hub of calmness - that's your heart.
That's where God lives within you. So stop looking for answers in the
world. Just keep coming back to that center and you'll always find peace."

We are made in God's image, and He is a part of us. If we seek him with all our hearts we will find him...in our hearts.

"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

Have a great weekend. Enjoy all the goodness that God provides in your life.

Getting a Christmas Cactus to Bloom

How hard is it to take a picture of a Christmas Cactus bloom? Apparently, almost as hard as getting one to bloom.

I've had a Christmas Cactus for years. I inherited it from my friend Lynne when she moved out of town; she had inherited it from a friend who had moved out of town. For sentimental reasons I couldn't pass it on, so it made the trip to NOVA with us.

Last year it bloomed beautifully and a month before Christmas as always. We had decided it was actually a Thanksgiving Cactus years ago. However, this year Thanksgiving came and went, and I noticed the blooms weren't even starting. Hmmm...

It turns out that the Christmas or even Thanksgiving Cactus needs cooler temperatures and 12 to 14 hours of complete darkness each night to stimulate blooming. Indirect sunlight and little humidity also help. I'd been ignoring this plant for years and doing the right things. We moved, I continued to ignore it, but...we placed it near a lamp we keep on as a night light. Ooops.

I did what I feel anyone with an extra $12 would have done. I bought a cactus on the verge of blossoming and moved my tired cactus to a nice, cool, dark room. I may get blooms on my old friend yet.

You know this got me thinking (why else would I be posting for paragraph after paragraph about a cactus). Rest - physical, mental, spiritual - is an important part of life. Not essential. My Christmas cactus is still limping along. But for us to bloom in life, to do what God created us to do, we need rest and care. That is part of God's plan.

God created us knowing our every need and the desires that would help that need and sometimes get in the way. We can burn the midnight oil and do just fine...for a season or two, but eventually we'll be unable to do it all unless we get that essential rest.

I've been very embarrassed to admit that I'm getting some rest in this season of my life. I love this season of my life. I spent years running around doing all I or even a couple of people could accomplish in a day. Wife, mom of 3 under 9, grad school, teaching school and Sunday school, volunteering, full social life...I look back at that time now and shake my head. Yet, I still feel guilty for this rest period God has granted me. I wonder if I should be doing more. More what??? Every time I consider filling up the extra time I think I have, my current life fills every spare moment, and I thank God for that reminder.

He reminds me that being a wife and a mom is enough. Seeking to know and love the Lord is enough. And most importantly, trusting in the Lord to show me what to do next is exactly what I need to bloom.

Have You Traveled to Emmaus?

I had lunch with a new friend yesterday. She has an amazing faith story she is living right now. It was wonderful to hear about how faithful God is to His word and in her life.

Then this morning during my quiet time I was reading about "The Road to Emmaus." I have always loved that part of scripture. After lunch yesterday some of the points of God's words in Luke spoke to my heart this morning.

I love that the Lord surrounds us with friends to discuss every aspect of our lives we want to share. Two of Christ disciples were walking to Emmaus on the third day after the crucifixion. You can only imagine their conversation. The women had found angels in the tomb rather than Christ's body. You know they were confused. They were having such trouble putting all the pieces together. I love that God gives us friends to talk out and try to understand things.

As they are realizing for probably the umpteenth time that they do not have the answers they seek, a man joins them on their walk. They don't recognize that it is Christ. Yet they are drawn to his light as he explains the fulfillment of the scriptures. I firmly believe God reveals himself through people everyday. The Holy Spirit shines forth, and bestows knowledge and wisdom when we seek it. Sometimes, graciously, when we don't even know we're looking. When we seek Him with all our heart, we will find him.

When the men finally realize they are in the presence of their Lord Jesus Christ he disappears. There is no sorrow in this. As you might imagine, I love this part also. Once Christ reveals himself to us, He leaves us with friends to discuss the process and experience. These friends will remind us that we truly experienced God in our lives. These conversations support us and help our faith grow even more. Sharing our own faith journeys helps to build the faith of others.

It was a pleasure to hear my new friend's faith journey. God made her a promise years ago that He has recently reconfirmed in a way she'll never be able to deny. She is resting secure in God's love for her. He surrounded her with friends to witness His promise to her. She's filled with peace that no matter where the road or process ahead of her takes her and her family, they are in the center of God's will. As she said yesterday. There's no where else she'd want to be.

Hearing God's Voice

I was just reading today's Proverbs 31 devotion and can totally relate.

So many people I know are listening to hear God's voice. They want to know their calling, their purpose, to hear God's reassurance. I find the times I have heard the still, soft voice of God moments I will never forget. When I recall them even years later, I am filled with love for my mighty God and God's love for me. It is a reassurance I cling to as I continue to seek to know God more.

Do you hear God's voice?

How do I hear God's voice? The first time I was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace in a time of great stress. A peace beyond all understanding. Way beyond.

Another time it was the moment I laid each day of the remaining 7 months of graduate school at his feet, and I suddenly knew he would get me through one day at a time.

He has surrounded me with friends moments after I have called out to him in anguish. He has answered my husband's and my questions when we wake up the next morning resolved in the decisions we have lifted up to him for guidance. He has flooded me with laughable "aha" moments when I finally understand the process of our lives.

These lives we lead can often bring us to our knees before God. And yet sometimes we seek God's voice to know the next step in our ordinary existance.

I'm still amazed at what I think I understood about God's will for my life lately. And yes, I'm pretty sure, I know what he wants, but I'm keeping my self open to the fact I may have misunderstood. Someone in my church emailed me about what some would call an opportunity, and what I see as somewhat of a challenge. Would I be interested? I said I would pray about it.

As I got in the car a few minutes later and began to pray, I burst into tears as I was overcome by the fact that no further prayer was necessary. I was going to attempt this new opportunity. However, I sure did not take any steps to meeting the deadline. As the deadline was a day away, my friend called again. "Have you been praying? What have you decided?"

I waited until after 5 that evening to finally turn in the necessary paperwork, and thought, "Hey, maybe they won't choose me! Maybe there's still a way out."

Are you laughing at me? You should be. My interview went beautifully. I couldn't even work up a hand-sweat. Oh, I'm still filled with fear of what's to come, but I'm also filled with peace that this is where God wants me now.

No, I never hear God's booming voice and exact instructions. As my husband will tell you, there's no Batphone to God. The manual is the Bible, and I love that it's the only one I need.

How does a plain, old, mom hear God's voice? She listens with her eyes and heart wide open.