Daily Surrender

This month I've been reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and loving it. Each day I find a few lines I underline and copy into my journal. Today's devotion was difficult. There wasn't a favorite line of epiphany - yet, I think I get it.

God witnesses to His Spirit within us. However, He cannot do that until we abandon ourselves to Him in total surrender.

Boy, when God wants to make a point in my life, He knows He has to keep hammering at the same idea. Surrendering to God is something that takes daily effort in my life. I've been considering this action a lot lately. I learned this summer, that just "knowing" I surrender isn't enough. I've found that I need to pray the words and contemplate what "surrendering" to His will might mean each day. It's what works for me. This is such hard work at times. I have so many of my own plans, lists, and desires. (And many of those lists pop into my head as I'm praying.) Yet at this moment I'm reminded,"Many are the plans of man's heart, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will prevail." Proverbs 19:20

I do want God's purpose to prevail in my life. I also want God's spirit bearing witness with my spirit. It is the Lord that produces all the good in my life. It is the Holy Spirit that produces all the good fruit in me and my life. The only way for that to happen is to move my worldly self right on out of the way.

It's like hiding behind a really big rock or maybe our beautiful home, my worldly possessions, my worldly desires all rolled into this one big colossal ball. There is no way for me to see around that big ball, and there's no way for God's light to shine on me if I'm hiding behind all my stuff. I'm attached to it you might say, valuing it more than God. Yet if I step around and away from my worldly ball, I can bask in the light of His love. I guess that's why I need to surrender daily. Each day I need to consider what I think my plans are and ask myself if they line up with what God would desire in my life - loving Him and loving my neighbor as myself. Do my plans involve pumping myself up or serving others with His love? God will reveal the answer if I ask. Then I need to step away from the world and towards God. He's there waiting for everyone who desires Him.

Dearest Lord, let me bask in your light. Let my humble, small life reflect You more and more each day. Let me daily look at my life and acknowledge the things and desires that stand between us. Help me to step away from the world and towards You. Lord, forgive me for the sin I do not see and the sins I do see and ignore. Thank you for not giving up on me when I forget lessons I've already learned. Let me draw closer to You each day. Amen.

His Favorite Patrick Swayze Movie

As we finished reading the paper this morning and Hon started fantasizing about the delicious omelet he wanted the good fairy (yes, that would be me) to make, I noticed there's an all out Patrick Swayze movie marathon this weekend. I relayed this news to a salivating (over the thoughts of mushrooms and Swiss cheese, not Patrick Swayze) Hon.

"You know there's only one good Patrick Swayze movie?" he replied.

??? "You mean Point Break?"

"No. That one is pretty good though. But there's only one really good one. You know which one I mean." he said with assurance.

"Youngblood? The hockey one?"

"No."

"Red Dawn?"

"No. What's that?"

"You can't mean Ghost?" What man ever picks Ghost or Dirty Dancing?

"No. I mean the really good one. You know what I mean."

At this point I am scanning the list of movies offered wondering how many Patrick Swayze movies he'd seen when...

"You can't mean Road House???? That's like the worst one." Besides the North-South mini-series which I secretly LOOOOVED.

"Yeah! That's the one. It's great. When does it come on?"

So here's to Patrick Swayze. Thanks for years of entertainment and movies you can watch over and over again.

A Witness of God's Kingdom

This week is shaping up to be stock full to the brim of blessings. Praise the Lord, and Whoohoo!

Last year I started volunteering at a local homeless day shelter. I am blessed more in those few hours washing dishes than I can yet wrap my earthly mind around. However this summer I wasn't able to volunteer due to those little treasures I call children. For some reason it seemed like they were around all the time; that is if I wasn't driving them to an activity. Summer sure can wear a Momma out if she's not at the beach.

Anyway, more about my blessings. Guess what? People were excited to see me at the shelter. That just made my heart sing. I reconnected with familiar faces. I work behind a counter in the kitchen, but I have the opportunity to talk with anyone who walks up for coffee. I witnessed a tender moment shortly after I arrived. A man greeted a buddy with, "Man, where have you been. I was ready to send a search party for you. I've been worried about you. How is life treating you?"

There was humor and teasing in his voice, but his care and love were enough to bring a tear to my eye and joy to my heart. The Lamb Center is a place where God just pours buckets of love on tender souls. Some are parched for care. Such as guest who normally is just a dear. She was clearly having a bad day. She was upset, and it was hard to understand what she needed. You know how it is when you've had a terrible day, and you end up yelling at the person who is trying to help you. God's spirit of peace was interceded. With her voice trembling full of emotion she finally conveyed what she needed. She was still upset and blew off a little more steam, but it was also clear that she knew someone was trying to help her. Many of us prayed for her day to improve.

Later the center received a phone call from a guest that is in the hospital. He complained that the food was just terrible, so he needed the director to bring him a piece of that good gooey chocolate cake the center has. Someone laughed that they weren't sure the director could drop everything to deliver cake, but I realized that this guest feels love and comfort at the Lamb Center. He wanted his community to continue to care for him. Or maybe he had an intense chocolate craving. Love comes in many forms.

Speaking of food - we were almost drowned in it Monday. I've never seen so much food come in at one time. At one point every counter was covered several dishes high as I stood in the middle of the floor holding a fruit salad the size a kiddie pool with no where to put it. May God pour extra blessings on those who follow His prompting to donate to the homeless. I can vouch that very hungry people walk into the center. They worry about getting any food. Monday there were smiles all around as they realized God had provided them with a mighty banquet.

To witness these modern day miracles feeding the hungry, care for the careworn, love for the sometimes hard to love is to witness God's Kingdom here on earth. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes to your glorious riches.

What a Difference a Summer Makes

I looked just a few posts back and realized that the last time I posted it was the weekend after Memorial Day. Here we are the weekend after Labor Day. Wow, it looks like I gave myself a summer vacation.

It was a fabulous summer vacation. Thank you very much for asking. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle life again.

Okay, so here's the real reason I've stayed away from blogging. I've struggled with this blog concept. I enjoy journaling about life. I like my blog.

But...

I'm struggling with whether or not to share my journaling publically. Am I just looking for attention? I certainly hope not. Am I embarassing myself with what I do reveal? Writing the true drivel that comes out of my mind does confirm that, "Yes, that's really the stuff she frets over, contemplates, wants to share with the world."

I'd love to chronical our lives just for me. But that certainly isn't blogging, that's scrapbooking. Not to mention Hon is very anti pics of the family on the web.

So to blog publically or not?

I miss it. So even though I don't consider myself a writer at all, I'm just a girl with WAY too much to say in her own head. If I write it rather than stay on the phone 24 hours a day, my friends might actually enjoy talking to me thankyouverymuch.

What is the Question to the Answer 42?

Fred loves "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." It makes him belly laugh until he cries tears of joy. I love watching him laugh that hard. Although I've seen the movie twice (the parts where I kept my eyes open) and heard him recite major portions of it to me more times than I remember, I'm not completely clear on the exact story line. Apparently a major part of the story line is they ask some all knowing computer (I think) what the answer to life is, and it says, "42." So the answer becomes a question.

What is the question to the answer 42?

As Fred watched me make alfredo sauce yesterday he finally discovered the question to the answer 42.

"How many tablespoons of butter does it take to make the perfect meal?"

The Difference a Year Makes

It's amazing the difference a year makes.

While these particular pictures aren't the best at showing how much he's grown, on the left is Fred at the end of 7th grade after the National Jr. Honor Society Induction. On the right was last week, end of 8th grade as he received his pin for NJHS. (I still think parents should at least get a sticker for planning and providing all transportation for the 15 hours of community service.)

As he walked across the stage a mom in front of me commented, "He looks ready for high school. He'll fit in; he's the right size."

She's right. He's ready. And amazingly I am too.

I read a post the other day about a mom wanting to freeze time and stop her kids from getting any bigger because time is moving way too fast. I agree that at times it does move way too fast. I miss squeezing those chubby legs and hearing peals of giggles while playing chase. I also teared up the other day in Target when I saw the graduation supplies and realized we were only 4 short years from that milestone. However, these two years of middle school have also been precious. I love watching Fred grow physically and mature in all ways. Oh, I've worried myself silly and annoyed my friends with endless conversations on the subject of "what in the world are we going to do with Fred?" But I've been blessed that those same worries led me to prayer and granted me God's blessed answers to those prayers. Sometimes we get a glimpse that he does listen to us. We do help form his life and choices. As we as parents grow and release him to make some of his own choices, he makes good ones and gains confidence.

The general opinion in our area is that middle school is tough and once you get to high school it seems a little better. Fred came to me over that little bit of insight yesterday.

He said, "Mom, middle school has been great. I don't know why everyone worries about it. I was thinking on the bus today, that if I liked middle school, its the best school I've ever been in, maybe high school will be awful for me instead."

There's my positive thinker. I assured him that life was only going to get better. I pray it does only get better. I'm going to continue to enjoy his growth. I'll always have me sweet memories of a little boy with a big belly laugh, but I don't want to miss any of the new things to come.

Longest Week Ever

I just want to state for the record that last week was the longest short week of my life. Having a holiday for Memorial Day only seemed to make the rest of the week more hectic. Adding a barbeque for our Small Group on Monday might not have been the most relaxing way to spend an extra day off. Especially when I spent the first 2 hours stressed that I had not made enough baked beans or bought enough Diet Coke, and what would we do if we ran out of either? Should I send Hon, who was busy entertaining everyone with bocce ball to the store for more? Oh, the dilemna!

You'll be happy to know that the Diet Coke drinkers happily switched to my preferred Diet Pepsi, and we did run out of beans just before the last person went through the buffet line - me. To be honest, I had probably tasted more than a serving's worth while making the woefully small amount of baked beans.

I spent the rest of the week wondering what day it was and why was it not Friday yet. We started swim team practices, tried to start tennis, had many rain outs, a National Junior Honor Society Pinning, and more basketball on top of our normal stuff. Why wonder I'm having trouble pulling myself out of bed before 7 am. I also had a major stand off with the school "powers to be" over the Dude's schedule for middle school.

I know the above paragraph may be boring, but its probably better than a post about each of those events. I'll save myself the time and trouble of long posts and sum up what I learned last week.

1. Always buy 3 2 liters of Diet Coke for our small group. They love the stuff.

2. Keep bandaids on hand for older teenage boys. Apparently bloody hands from using a splinter filled fence as home base is not enough for them to actually use the tree next to the fence instead. Bandaids are a mark of honor.

3. I must be an advocate for my children, even though I hate confrontation. Just because something is the right thing to do and makes sense, does not mean a school system will do it. Unfortunately, the squeaky wheel does get the attention. While that principle makes me steam, my children are well worth it.

4. It's a really good thing I'm already on blood pressure medicine, so I can handle situations like # 3.

5. Saving up all the laundry for a week is a great excuse to finish an excellent book. World Without End was almost as good as Pillars of the Earth. Good enough that I'm already saving up laundry for a re-read.

Balancing Committments and Friendships

This week I've made more of an effort to just enjoy some of the special friendships I have. As I mentioned on Monday, lately I've been a little bit of a hermit - Holding on to the little time I have.

You know what? When I look back on the time I hoarded to vacuum, do errands, and let's not forget worry, it's not as valuable as the time I spend laughing with friends.

Both friends I spent time with on Tuesday had almost identical conversations on this subject. And no, I did not bring the same subject up twice. We talked about when we become so busy that we feel stressed and pulled that we push away and hide. Yet, it is time in relationship that brings us comfort and joy.

We all have way too much to do. We all feel the guilt of not "doing it all." Often we push time for friendship out the door first before all the other "necessary" committments in our lives. While I know I personally need a little down time, there is a balance. Yet, that place of balance continuously sifts as the circumstances in our lives shift. I'm just happy that I feel my time of pondering alone at home is over. I'm ready for some giggles with my peeps.

Gorgeous Spring Flower Sale on Lawyers Road

What a beautiful day filled with gorgeous friends and flowers! Definitely my idea of a the perfect day.

I love how these petals are just drenched in color. The peonies on the verge of opening just looked like velvet begging the ants to touch them.

This beautiful yard/field of flowers is on Lawyers Road here in Fairfax County. Anyone is allowed to come and spend time amazed at God's creativity for as long as they like. Often artists set up and work for the day. It's a dream of mine to do that one today, but today it was a half hour of enjoying God's beauty before heading to a delicious lunch.

This Saturday at 9 am they have their yearly sale. They have gajillion varieties of irises, siberian irises, peonies, and daylillies. I'll go back in early July to see the daylillies.

Taking time to see and enjoy creation. A free gift that restores the soul.

Dreams of Dresses

Colonial Day is coming to the Fourth Grade. I love colonial dresses. For three summers I was in an Summer Stock outdoor drama about the Revolutionary War. I loved my costumes, the petticoats, the mob caps, the tight bodices. I was so excited. I've been dreaming of making a colonial dress for Birdie.

Dreaming would be the key word there wouldn't it.

Birdie has decided she wants to wear a Continental Soldier's uniform. Specifically she wants to be part of the rag tag army of Valley Forge. She's thinks we should tear her shirt some and is worried we won't be able to make it dirty enough. She's probably already planned where to put the blood stains.

My dreams will remain a dream. I could possibly make her a dress along with the soldier's uniform, but I'm pretty sure she'd forcibly put it on once and tell me how much it bothers her.

Maybe one day I'll have a granddaughter who loves bows and dresses. But then her mom will probably make her wear practical pants all the time.

Great Banquet Reminders

This past weekend was NOVA Great Banquet #32. It's been a year since my Great Banquet weekend. A whole year. Wow. As I sat at the closing ceremony for this year's guests and heard what they had personally learned during their weekend and what they were going to do about it, I, of course, thought about my weekend experience and what I had done about it.

God loves me more deeply than I ever imagined. Have a shared that love with others? Yes, mostly.

Have I felt more secure and been more trusting of His direction?

Ummm....maybe not so much. Just by popping in and out to help a little bit this weekend my eyes were opened to a few new truths. I love how God can use random short conversations to speak to something you've been pondering.

Obedience is the area where I need focus. It's funny how you don't even realize you're being disobedient sometimes. In the last few months, I've been so busy worrying and protecting myself and my time that I have missed the gifts of following God's direction. I've worried what I have to offer certainly is no where near enough or good enough, so I would just wait until I had enough to share. I have begrudingly followed the path He has offered and directed me down, all the while questioning and worrying and stressing and even resenting at times.

I was beautifully reminded by Pastor Glenda that God doesn't ask us to perform the miracle. He asks us to participate and offer what we have. He'll take care of the rest. If I offer up what I have unconditionally, God's glory shines.

I also took time to read over the letters I received last year at the Great Banquet. I sat there pondering, "Where did that generous, fun-loving girl go?" Was that truly me? What happened? I've become quite the hermit the last 6 months. I've found it much easier to push away and do it on my own time table. Yet, I miss the joy and excitement and relationships I treasure. How many times do I have to learn the same lessons?

Quiet time each and every morning builds my relationship with Christ. Enough said. It makes everything better. It makes the times I have no words for prayers, just groans, bearable. There is a light in our home and in me when I begin each day with God. Quick prayers on the run just don't work for me anymore. Halfway putting in a show of effort a few times a week just doesn't cut it. I know this yet, at times I push back. Why?

Lately, I've felt the Spirit encourage me to give up something. I know exactly what. I cannot figure out why in the world I need to do so. A friend pointed out that sometimes it's more about obedience than the what.

I keep asking,
"Why??? Are you sure??? Have I imagined this?"

Yet, this nagging feeling doesn't leave me. I wish I could say I was finally obeying out of a grateful heart. Instead, I'm obeying and praying for God's help to obey. And worrying about when I'll disobey and when I'll get time off for good behavior. I'm also praying I won't have to do this very long, which probably destroys in value of obeying in the first place.

Dearest Lord,
Thanks for your timing in my life. Time for me to realize that You are Lord of all. Thank you for the time to be stubborn, yet still delightfully loved by You. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for those brief moments of clarity. I ask forgiveness for my stubbornness and self-centeredness. I beg for your strength to follow and to be filled by Your spirit, so I might know and understand you better. In your son's most holy name. Amen.

Trying to Memorize Scripture

Memorizing scripture has been on my heart for a while. However, every time I consider trying to memorize scripture I told myself I just couldn't. It would be impossible. Yet this morning when I picked up my stack of index cards where I jot favorite scriptures, I realized today was the day to start. The one on top was a perfect one for my day today.

Above all, let me love others deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins. Let me use whatever gift I have received, faithfully administering your grace in its various forms. Let me serve with the strength that you provide, so in all things you, O Lord, receive the credit and the glory. 1 Peter 4:8-11

I even memorized where the scripture is found. Amazing.

I've also realized that I could. I just didn't want to put forth the effort. In that, I was disobedient to the urging of the Spirit. I also know that listening and following God's urging will bring His blessing to my life. This isn't a hard task to avoid; it's a celebration of God's living word in my life. Thank You, Lord!

Email - stink mail

I've had so many sweet, touching wonderful God print moments on my mind the last few days. Stories I haven't had the time to write about, even if I could decide how I wanted to tell them. However at this particular moment...

I'm just mad!

Mad at one of my children's teachers. Mad at the situation, how she handles teaching material, and most specifically how she replied to an email I sent asking for guidance and assistance for our child. I asked how we could help, explained how we had helped, and asked which assignment he had not turned in. She gave no direction. She gave a comment about not having homework because although he had his homework, she thought he wasn't prepared the morning after my husband had spent an hour going over the homework with said child.

I'm ticked!

Responding to the email again is useless. I would obviously make things worse in this state of mind. She gave no positive direction. She said the last unit was hard; the next should be easier.

Psthsthsthsthsth!!!! I raspberry this situation. I also pray, I will put it out of my mind.

Spring Weather Alert

Spring! Spring weather is here!

I've been busy planting new pansies, or better known as deer candy. I also had my first daffodil bloom today. It was one that I brought back from my family farm last spring. I love that the little daffodils I grew up with are now blooming for my kids here. I'm sure we have more cold weather to endure, but I was glad to have the chance to dig in the dirt a little. I also still have time I to draw out my plans for my summer garden. We've already decided to use netting over our hostas this year. Last year most of them were eaten before they had fully leafed.

I also stopped by the first lemonade stand of the season. It's so fun to see everyone excited about the warm weather and daylight savings time. It's amazing that a week ago we were celebrating a snow day!

Prayers for A

I awoke feeling guilty for complaining about my lovely old lady medicine. I am humbly grateful that there are wonderful medicines for me to take. I just pop two little pills and hopefully these signs of aging will magically disappear, or perhaps miraculously heal would be the better analogy.

There, that's off my chest.

I spoke with my oldest best friend last night. We grew up a few miles from each other. We rode the same bus for hours each day. Our grandparents went to high school together. Our ties and history go way back.

We don't get the chance to talk everyday, but we can dive right into the deep stuff and completely understand where the other one is coming from. K was trying to explain to a co-worker how she loves to hear the snow fall. Her co-worker thought she was crazy, but I understood immediately. I grieve for my children that they haven't had the chance to stand in the field on the farm where I grew up and listen to the snow fall. To watch the trees across the field glisten with ice and hear them creak and crack as the wind blows. It's hard to describe the wonder of feeling like the only one in a snow storm.

K's dear grandma A is on my heart. She's 94. She and my granddaddy were the leads in their high school senior play. Picturing that cracks me up. K's grandma is finally suffering from memory problems. And she realizes it. She's so frustrated. As Grandma A says, "This medicine is not fixing my brain!" (Her normal meds aren't supposed to, but she's forgotten what her medications treat.)

So today, I lift up prayers for a dear woman who loves the Lord with all her heart, yet fears the next step of her life's journey. I pray that God brings peace to the wonderful women in their family that will so deeply grieve her passing, someday, and at the same time celebrate her birth into eternal life with God. I pray they have the time together to say the deep feelings on their hearts and that God's fingerprints are all over this experience so that their faith grows exponentially. Amen.

Another Day Another Trip to the Doctor

Hello. My name is Katie. I am 39 years old. Not yet 40, just 39. Until a month ago, I was a pretty healthy 39 year young woman. My hip aches since the birth of our baby 10 years ago, but hey, we all have some aches. Right?

Today, I am headed out to pick up two old lady prescriptions. A month ago, my biggest worries about turning 40 was what kind of new wrinkle cream to try and should I cut my hair short again or would I look ridiculous trying to grow it long.

I looked at my doctor this morning and said, "What the ?????" I haven't been in here 4 times in the last 4 years. I've been to the doctor 5 times in 8 days, I have an irritated hiatal hernia that you keep reminding me happens with age, and now you're telling me I have to come back in two weeks to see if this blood pressure medicine you're prescribing works.

I'm really glad he didn't check my blood pressure right then.

The good news is that I can take both my old lady pills together. Then I can have a nice warm cup of tea. Not coffee, of course. Boy that sure does make me look forward to getting up each morning. Of course as my dear husband keeps reminding me aging is better than not aging. I personally think my genes have already signed me up for AARP.

This hernia better feel better soon, because if I get any other old lady news I'm going to need a drink.

Winter Basketball '09

We are a basketball family. My dear husband played quite a bit of basketball growing up and has passed that love on to our children. Now, our children are not super stars, except in my eyes, but I dearly love to watch them play. I love to see their enjoyment of the game and how they improve each season. I get so into the game that I never remember to take any pictures if I happen to take my camera.

This season was not a great one for the Dude and Hon's team. Hon coaches the Dude's team. In fact, they lost abysmally last weekend in their first game of the playoffs. I can't say anyone played near their normal level. There was no heart in the game. What I have loved about this season are those beautiful moments when the Dude pulls it all together. His long arms strongly snatch a rebound from the boards then gracefully arc as he throws up a shot that falls through the net. Those are the moments of this season that I'll remember, and how much he moves just like his dad in those seconds. He's still building his confidence. He probably took less than a quarter of the shots he could have, but all that will come in time. He loves playing, and he loves that his dad is coaching. I also want to remember that this is the season he finally dribbled down the court. The Dude is a defensive player. He's all about the rebound and passing the ball. It takes yelling from the sidelines for him to take the wide open shot. However, he stepped up a few times this season when his team needed him to and dribbled. Oh, the joy of seeing his self-confidence bloom.

Birdie's team had an even worse season than The Dude. Her team lost every game. It takes a strong will to keep fighting when you lose every game by double digits. The sad part was that her team had several good players. Every good player needs some kind of offense is the lesson learned this season. Yet, this was a great season for Birdie. She got the opportunity to play point guard and loved it. She still does not like to be pushed or bumped at all, but she will toughen up in time and hopefully the refs will call more fouls. She so loves every sport she plays. Last week the weather was spring like and she was outside shooting every afternoon. One afternoon I quietly watched Fred playing with her. I don't think I've ever seen him so encouraging and kind with her. He was teaching her how to stand tall to better block the shot. Another moment to remember.

One last bragging moment by a so proud mom. Both Birdie and The Dude made All-Stars for the first time. They are both thrilled. I'm glad there's more b-ball to watch.

Another Sign of Aging

Not too long ago I vainly prayed that God would help me realize when my stomach was full so I would stop over eating. Boy if the last month was God's answer, I beg forgiveness for my vanity.

I've been having a little tummy trouble lately. And no, I am not pregnant. Funny how the doctor never asked that question while I listed my complaints. I guess as the mother of three he figured I know the difference between morning sickness and this new pain and nausea.

One thing I've learned during this little episode is that everyone has their own tummy story. As a woman who until recently had a stomach of steel, I didn't realize that so many people go through some stomach/intestinal distress. I'm pretty sure this is one of the less publicized joys of aging. Everyone hears so much about gray hair, wrinkles, aching backs and joints, weight gain with age...however tummy troubles are pretty quiet.

Another lesson on life's journey. Sometimes your body changes unexpectedly. I'm very thankful for a little purple pill that's allowing me to eat again. Today the doctor will take a look inside and try to figure out what's going on. I'm feeling so much better with this new medicine I'm pretty sure all will be well soon.

Snow Day???

I love, love, love a snow day.

A couple of weeks ago beautiful big flakes came down just as Fred headed off for the bus. The weather report let me know that the suddenly white grass would soon be green again, but I just wanted to put on a heavier sweater and cuddle up on the couch for the day. Even though the roads only got wet we took today as a snow day. It looks like I might be getting a real one tomorrow.

There's something restorative about a snow day. (That is if your kids can put on their own snow clothes.) Our schedules are so busy, and we have so many MUST do's that I love the opportunity to be forced to stay home. The world is washed clean, and the noise of traffic muffled under the beauty of white. I really look forward to the chance to sit in silence and watch the snow fall for a day.

Enjoy! Of course, I need the roads to be clear by 1pm tomorrow. (More about that later.) Luckily Hon grew up in Rochester and loves to leave the first tire tracks anywhere. He might just get that chance.

My Little Dude

The Dude is the classic middle child. He runs under the radar most of the time. He's the peace maker and doesn't like to be the center of attention. He'd rather cover up his brother's or sister's mistakes than watch them get in trouble.

The Dude is really sweet and his presence has been such a comfort. He's always been the one who wants me to tell our family's funny stories over and over. He's also the one that always wants to hang out with the adults to hear every word we say. Since he was a baby he's been a great observer. He may not say much, but he is listening to every word and intuitively picks up on all the non-verbal language exchanged. He was born with a gift to understand others by observing them.

He's also just funny. Although I'm irritated the eighth time in one day when he hides and jumps out of me so I scream and wet my pants, I do appreciate his effort. I really like it when I know he's hiding, and I get the chance to scare him first. I love that at home he's cuddly and still wants tons of hugs. I love that he loves to play. Outdoors, indoors, any game. He's made good friends at school and loves recess. During tennis season he asked the coach to run suicides. His dad was so proud.

He actually loves school. I know it's the social side, not the work, but he usually doesn't mind the work too much. As he grows he becomes more confident in himself. That's been the neat thing to watch this year. His confidence at school, with friends, and on the basketball and tennis courts has grown. It's great to see him proud of himself rather than trying to hide in his own skin.

I just love my little Dude.

Things a Parent Never Wants to Happen

Much of the worry that Hon and I contemplated the other night at dinner has stemmed from being close to another family. This dear family is going through something with one of their children that we never want to face.



Our children are their own people. They will make choices and mistakes that shock us at times. We cannot control their entire lives and actions. Children of good parents make bad choices. Still, that doesn't let me off the hook. We need to take our role in forming their ideas and morals seriously.



Hon and I are really looking at our parenting. Are we doing what we need to do as parents? Are we doing what we should? How do we help our children form the love for God, morals, ethics, sense of self-worth and responsibility they will require as adults? It is a huge undertaking.



My heart is broken for our dear friends. At some point in my children's lives they are going to do something I can't even imagine. I know I did this to my parents. I had my own difficult lessons to learn on my own terms. So will our children. However, this has been a wake-up call for Hon and I. We don't always do the right thing. We have let our selfish desires over ride better choices for our kids. We've been known to take the easier, less confrontational way out. It's time to stand up and make sure our kids are learning the lessons they need now to become successful as adults. (And by successful, I mean happy, at peace, and God loving. Preferably with a good job.)



In the middle of this panic of "Are we doing our job as parents?", there have been gracious God moments. Little things that unless you lived our unique flavor of crazy they probably wouldn't mean a whole lot to you. Fred used a fork with his strawberries just to make his dad happy the other night. This is right after Hon and I had a long private discussion about who should continue to point out Fred's lacksadaisical table manners. Everyone cuddling up for family time at night with little prompting. Watching my shy children try to smile and shake hands with new people at church. Enjoying the laughter and silliness. Feeling the love. Letting their dad give them pointers at the bowling alley and enjoying a great score.



I have the huge gift of being home with the kids each day. I drive them crazy with my questions and always having one more little chore they could do for me as they walk through the room. Luckily, I get the gifts of their long-winded moments in the car running errands when I can actually learn about their days. I get to kiss them goodbye as they head off to school.



I pray they someday realize the effort their dad puts in with them. How he plays games with them not for himself. How he makes them help with a project not for their assistance but for their companionship and education. How he, not mom, goes to every game and most practices. How he'll read a book while yet another Disney show on TV instead of the game to be in the same room with them. I hope they realize his love language is the time he spends with them.



I pray for our dear friends. I pray they realize how God is standing right beside them in this catastrophe. I pray that the correct lessons are learned and lives are changed. I pray that God has this situation firmly in His hands for His good purpose.

Gran Torino

So who's seen Gran Torino?

It was fabulous. I'll admit it was not my first choice for a Valentine's Day date movie, but I loved it. This was classic Clint. Rough and gruff, even growly, but you still wanted to just give him a hug and go get him that next cold one.

However, it really hit some nerves for my dear husband. We spent all of our romantic dinner after the movie talking about our kids and how to stay connected. My husband was deeply feeling the challenge all parents feel. How to guide our children, which can often require firmness and critique of their actions, yet still having a loving a close relationship. How do you help them become worthwhile people without making them hate you in the process?

Yes, there was way more to Gran Torino than foul language and racism.

As I reminded Hon, sometimes when you're in the middle of the game, you can't know the final score. We're not finished raising our kids. They still needed to be reminded about table manners. (Will we ever get past that?) Luckily, there's still time for us to continue to model and mold, and they will go through the molting process before they leave our nest. The point is not to give up and continue to find ways to laugh and love along the way.

My husband's worry just makes me love him that much more. He wants to be close with all our children. He worries about raising responsible, respectful adults. In the process of making them better people, he doesn't want to damage his future relationship with them. It's a careful balance. We can't know if we're doing it the right way.

I pray that God continues to mold Hon and I to be the parents He would have us to be.

Here I Am

This is so pitiful. It's been so long since I blogged I really didn't remember what my current header looked like.

Pitiful, just pitiful.

So while I've been off doing who knows what, along with exploring the world of Facebook where you only need to write a sentence for an update, my blogging has taken a backseat. This morning, however, I caught myself blogging in my prayer journal. It could be time to try again. Rather than start on the sappiness that appeared in my journal this morning I'll leave you with this glimpse into my life.

Last night as I dropped Fred off at art he started to close the car door. I called his name; and as he peaked back into the car, I told him I loved him.

He smiled!

And I praised God for the miracle of seeing a smile on his 13 year old face.

This morning still high off the smile from last night, I gave him a big hug before he left for school and told him how proud I was of him and that I love him.

This morning...I got the big eye roll as he stomped out the door to school. Who was I to think that lightening could strike the same place twice.