"Mom, what if God made me go through Lyme to prepare me for something harder? Like my kids being sick or worse?"
My heart squeezed tight and hurt. Telling my dear daughter that I couldn't promise there won't be other catastrophes in her life was not an option. But what if? Why?
How do I answer these questions and soothe her anxious heart.
So this morning, when I was awake (and not pulling my earplugs out because Chris's snoring shakes the house) I could share the truths I know.
I pray God can prevent worse things happening to her, even though I know as a 47 year-old there are many crap things in life.
While God does not always prevent or save us from the awful things in this world (and I honestly have some issues with that!) he does help us through them. He grows and changes us, and then we can help others.
The reality is research is not well-advanced or well-funded. The CDC and Infectious Disease Specialists Association (IDSA) do not fully recognize chronic long-term Lyme. (Yeah - look that up.) Insurance companies do not work with Lyme Specialists and many will not reimburse treatment fully. (That's a soap box all in itself.)
So - I can't promise that a cure will be found for Lyme and TBD by the time she has children. But she will be treated with antibiotics while she is pregnant, and sometimes that prevents Lyme bacteria from passing to babies.
Having Lyme myself has sucked. But, I truly see it as a gift.
If I didn't have Lyme I could not have fathomed how she was suffering. I couldn't have understood that the days you feel good enough for a fun conversation do not mean you feel good enough to get off the couch.
I know myself - I would not have been as sympathetic or compassionate. I would have pushed her and made things even worse. It would have been so much harder to know how to help her.
Without having Lyme myself, I would not and could not be the mother she needed to survive this awful disease.
So if her children have Lyme...she will recognize it. They will be treated early on in their disease. Their experience will not be what she has gone through. She will be the mother they need.
As for other awful things in life - a question no teenager should have to worry and lose sleep over - she will remember she is strong enough to survive. She is strong and courageous. She is brave and conquering things we would fear. And...Her mama's love and admiration will always be with her fighting life's battles along side her.
How in the world will I get to sleep tonight? I would love some better answers and explanations of whether worse things will come and how to handle them.