Trying to See the Positive

Feeling normal and like myself is only a temporary relief so far. Some days are good, some not so good, some should be good and I just want to cry. My worries, real and highly overly imagined, get to me. Then when I think of what could have been, but didn't happen...Well, I just can't let myself think about that. I'm still on this roller coaster of recovery where every sigh, grimace, and uncomfortable shift leads to more worrying.

It would be a lot easier to whine if my husband would start whining himself. The most he does is sigh really deeply. Occasionally he'll grab his side. Maybe if he was whining I would know it was just the normal everyday stuff you whine about. Instead he is stoic, strong, resolute. But I know him.

He has an incision that isn't healing that the doctor likes to poke and stir, and he refuses to whine. How am I ever going to feel justified in whining about a paper cut again?

I'm pretty sure I'll find a way. In fact, as I re-read this it occurred to me that I'm whining about him not whining. Mercy me!

So while I'd like to rant and rave about all the little things that irritate me and that I do not like this roller coaster of emotions I am on, not one little bit, I think I'll try a little positive thinking.


1. I like our walks. I'm actually starting to feel really good from them. Even though we don't have much to say I enjoy the time together.


2. I like that when he's not feeling so good he just wants me to come sit in the same room with him. If he had a cold or something this would irritate me, but I know that he doesn't feel good. Somehow my presence comforts him...if I don't ask too many questions.


3. Having Hon home this much has given him the opportunity to approach a few difficult conversations with our 13 year old. Conversations that would have ended in an argument if I'd had them. Somehow Hon and Fred have found a common language with out all the mama drama. I am sooo grateful for that!


4. I'm thankful that all our friends brought us brownies after brownies. I really like brownies. Brownies will definitely help you through a difficult time. I knew that Hon was on the road to recovery one night when he asked for a brownie. After one bite he said, "You know what would make this even better?"

"Another brownie and some vanilla ice cream." :)