I had a rotten day yesterday. It was one of those days that I couldn't even stand myself. My kids were so sweet. As I laid comatose on the couch they occasionally came over and gave me a kiss and asked if I was alright. I felt loved in the pit of my self-created misery.
Today was better.
Thank God!
But I'm not myself yet. And I feel guilty for still feeling fragile and teary. (And I really like beginning sentences with conjunctions even though I totally know it's against the rules.)
A dear friend inquired after my husband today. I told her he's doing much better; improving everyday. She then asked how I was. I said, "Now that he's getting better, I'm a wreck."
"But weren't you a wreck last week?" She asked...stated??
Well, yes, yes, I was.
But (there's one of those conjunctions) it's a different wreck. At first it was the "I'm so tired I can't see straight wreck," followed by the "Oh, my goodness, he's still in the hospital ,and I'm even more tired wreck," followed by the "Now, we're home, and school is starting wreck," followed even more closely and lasting way too long with the "He has an infection, and will it get better, and will the doctor stop hurting him" empathy pain wreckedness.
I'm in the almost-healed wreck phase of "Oh, my goodness, I could have lost him, and now I can relax a little and let out all those feelings I've been shoving deep down." I know my friends are quite shocked that I was actually holding anything back, but apparently I feel the need to wallow in this situation for a while.
I sure am looking forward to the days when I'm back to worrying about if the kids did their homework or studied for their tests.
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